jack’s musings

I’ve always had a sort of strange fascination with urban design in other world cultures. That combined with an (un)healthy obsession with Google Earth has allowed me to explore the Ryugyoung Hotel in Pyongyang, North Korea, one of my favorite urban disasters, in much greater detail. I’d like to try and project some of my horror/amazement onto you.

The Ryungyong Hotel was originally designed to be a 1,083 ft, 5 star, mega luxury hotel in the capital city of the DPRK. The 3.9 million square foot hotel was to feature over 3,000 rooms, 7 rotating restaurants at its peak, and 6 more stationary floors above that. The original thought by the DPRK was that this hotel with 75 degree sloping sides would serve as a springboard to allow foreign investors to toss money into the country. However one might immediately notice that this entire paragraph was composed in the past tense.

Construction on the tower was started in 1987 by Baekdu Mountain Architects & Engineers (read: Kim Il-Sung), but it was abandoned in 1992. The building consists only of its concrete shell and a looming tower crane at it’s peak that serves as a reminder of its desertion. The hotel features no lighting, no plumbing, no electricity, and certainly no guests. Even in it’s uncompleted state, it’s taller than most buildings in the United States and would have been the 7th largest building in the world at the time of its completion. (Currently it’s the 22nd tallest building in the world.) It’s by far the tallest building in North Korea, and it can be clearly seen from most parts of Pyongyang.

The building itself is a national embarrassment. However for reasons of either pride or cost, the structure has yet to be demolished. However perhaps the DPRK is simply waiting for nature to take its course. It’s widely believed that the cement in the concrete of the building is defective. What few reports there are of the building indicate that it’s crumbling and is destined to collapse.

Architecturally the building is simply horrendous as well. It’s clearly the result of some DPRK ministry unfamiliar with building design and not that of an architect. It looks almost like a sort of North Korean response to brutalist buildings that were popular in decades past. I’ve never liked brutalism, but at least past examples have some sort of architectural thought behind them as opposed to this sand castle-esque pile of concrete. Esquire went so far as to call the building as the “The Worst Building in the History of Mankind.”

Obviously the building was a financial disaster as well. While no financial records have even been released, it has been estimated by Japanese newspapers that the final cost of the hotel would have been around $750 million, or two percent of North Korea’s GDP. This extravagant spending combined with a stagnating economy at the time is believed to have helped worsen the mass famine in the country during the 1990s.

The country’s “solution” to the failed hotel is also uniquely North Korean. The country has a national eyesore that cost hundreds of millions of dollars, is easily seen throughout the city, and is a complete and total failure. So what’s the solution? Pretend it doesn’t exist. You’ll find the building on no maps, no guides, and no pictures of the city. Additionally, residents are very hesitant to even mention its existence even though they can clearly see it from wherever they are in the city.

However, in many ways the building serves as a metaphor for life in the DPRK. It’s a failure that no one talks about, it’s a crumbling shell, a financial disaster, not in-touch with the outside world, under construction, abandoned, etc. The connections just go on and on. However perhaps this mass of metaphors may make the building an architectural landmark. It might inadvertently have become the only honest, symbolic structure in the entire DPRK. Maybe that’s why I like it so much, it’s just ironic.

And I’m not the only one who has a strange fascination with this building as well. German architects Richard Dank and Andreas Gruber have started a conceptual website at www.ryungyong.org that allows visitors to explore and “claim” their own space in the structure. Additionally, an Italian design firm named Extraneo (makers of this disturbing-on-many-levels iPod skin) created this video below entitled “Demolition S How.” Your guess is as good as mine as to what it means, however both of these links show my amazement is not unique.

Though I have to wonder. If it falls down, how long will it be before anyone outside of Pyongyang figures it out?

Throughout American culture, there has always been a particular way of dress that is associated with a given time period. If a group of 1000 people thought about what Americans looked like in the 1950s, 1960s, 1970s, 1980s, and 1990s, I’m willing to bet that the vast majority will come up with similar stereotypical methods of dress. Say what you will about regrettable trends in the past, but as we head into 2008, what’s going to be the clothing trend that’s going to be identified with this decade when VH1 straps on its nostalgia pants on January 1, 2010 (which is technically still this decade) and starts the “I Love the 00’s” series? I’ve got several suggestions:

Gigantic Sunglasses

Decades past had their Ray-Ban Wayfarers, (which are not surprisingly making a comeback) but we’ve got our own unique flavor of gigantic sunglasses that have been popularized for some reason by generational role models Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, and other stars. It would appear that those over-sized sunglasses that those apparent trend-setters used to wear to parties have somehow become accepted as a fashion statement as opposed to novelty party wear. I have a sneaking suspicion our nation’s desire to give the appearance that our eyes are the size of grapefruit is going to go be one of those decade defining fashion cliches. Also, for the record, am I the only one who thinks that wearers of said sunglasses look at lot like these folks?

Pre-Destroyed/Faded Clothing

A quick glance through any department store or Abercrombie & Fitch these days will reveal these lovely jeans whose popularity appear to be slowly on the decline. Nevertheless, these decade-defining articles of clothing truly expressed our nation’s obsession with shortcuts and willingness to pay hundreds of dollars for pre-destroyed clothing. A few years ago during one of my few visits into an Abercrombie & Fitch, which feel more like a cultural exploration than a clothing shopping experience, I was flipping through a rack of these destroyed beauties and noticed that every pair regardless of the size had been destroyed in exactly the same way. The paint splatters were all in the same place, the holes were all in the same place, etc. So being the enginerd that I am, my immediate conclusion was that someone out there has developed an automatic clothes-destroying machine that can uniformly ruin clothing. I paused, sobbed for humanity for a bit at this realization, and sulked out of the store as my ears rang from the throbbing electronic music.

Those Weird Possibly Faded Shirt With All The Stylized Faux-Gothic Stuff

I mentioned these shirts in my Douche Identifier series, but I feel they’ve earned a spot in this little post as well because of how particularly common they are these days. I blame an unhealthy obsession with Dane Cook and UFC for the emergence of this trend among the masses. What’s interesting about this trend however is how rarely you see it among celebrities. It’s the horrible trend of the PEOPLE. I have a standing rule among many friends that basically says that if I’m ever caught wearing something like this, you’re allowed to kick me square in the balls without notice, and I’m willing to let the intertubes in on the pact.

Ironic T-Shirts

Don’t think I’m going to let you hipsters off the hook. These shirts used to be all over the place, and in the past even I’ve been known to wear shirts like this from time to time. I’m betting it all started one day when someone was browsing through their closet and found some D.A.R.E shirt from their youth and decided to sport it again because they thought it was funny, and thus a trend was born. However they appear to be on the decline recently as being ironic is ironically becoming less and less ironic. (Which might very well be the most ironic thing ever in the history of irony.)

Impossibly Hip Glasses

I’m not going to limit my observations to just sunglasses; regular eye wear has become disturbingly trendy today. Even Tampa Bay Rays manager Joe Madden rocks these things. I may still be able to claim 20/20 vision, but as soon as I start driving into street signs I’m probably going to pick up a pair of these things, even though the new hot thing will likely be some sort of bionic eye.

I’m starting to get sick and tired of all of this latest Hillary Clinton non-issue regarding whether or not she embellished her story of escape from Bosnia under sniper fire while on a trip to the troubled country as the then first lady. (A non-issue that sounds awfully familiar to the swiftboat non-issue that plagued John Kerry.) I’ve embellished a story or two myself just like everyone else. For example, I often tell a story about how I used my boat to rescue twenty-three orphaned children off the roof of a house in a flood zone. It turns out that’s not entirely true, the children were actually beers, my boat was a barstool, the roof was a bar counter, and the flood was really a flood of sobriety. We’ve all been there, but I digress. At any rate, Hillary has responded by admitting her story wasn’t entirely true when she stated she was just a regular human like everyone else, was exhausted, and “misspoke”.

Now this really doesn’t look good from any way you look at it, and despite that I really feel this is just a non-issue, I’ve got a couple thoughts on it:

- Let’s take here at face value and assume she just misspoke. I can understand being exhausted and misspeaking, but what happens when that red phone at the White House starts ringing at 3:30 in the morning with an alarmed military commander on the other end waiting to tell the president about how China may or may not be arming themselves for a nuclear or non-nuclear attack? Do we really want someone who has a tendency to misspeak to be he holding that red receiver in the White House?

- Or we could take a recent Time article’s stance on the issue that Hillary didn’t in fact misspeak the one time, but she has referenced the same story on several occasions throughout her campaign. Not good.

I’m really hoping that this non-issue doesn’t explode into a gigantic non-issue that plagues her campaign, as it’s really just a bunch of nonsense. At the end of the day, who cares about some stupid faux-adventure this lady went on? For me, it only further cements my long-standing opinion of the senator as a generally disingenuous type. It certainly doesn’t serve as a huge issue that made me instantly withdraw my support for Clinton as I think there has been plenty of evidence of her disingenuousness. (My new word) And it’s really for that reason that I am in fact an Obama supporter, as they’re policies are essentially the same. I’m support Obama even while being well aware of the fact that he’s going to be assassinated in season 5.

Full disclosure: I don’t drive a hybrid; I drive a gas guzzling Tahoe. (Though I do use ethanol!) I like my monster, and I like being able to go where I want, haul what I want, schlep around whoever I want, and do this all whenever I want. However call me hypocritical, but this hasn’t stopped me from developing a healthy hatred of fellow GM SUV, the Hummer. I’m not really mad at them for their low gas mileage; I’m more mad at that good ‘ole misguided “LOOK AT ME!” mentality that these things just ooze. I mean say what you will about energy usage in today’s society, but I think most non-douches out there can agree that these monstrosities posess that certain “Je ne sais quois” that douches around the world posses. What does this car say to its fellow asphalt cruisers? Why it says, “HEEEEEEEY!! LOOK AT ME!! MY PENIS IS HUMONGOUS AND I’M NOT COMPENSATING FOR ANYTHING!!” in a way that no other non-modified SUV does. I mean, it’s very common to see modified versions of these things that have wheels so large that the vehicle has effectively been neutered of all off-road capability, thus making GM’s main selling point completely useless. It’s one douchey thing to buy a given car solely for show, but these people have modified their vehicle to make it all about show.  That also makes them super-douches.

While watching this evening’s Texas A&M vs. UCLA second round game, I was reminded by UCLA’s Kevin Love of another great douche identifier, that weird, pencil thin beard getup that’s been becoming popular over the past 7, 8 years or so. (I don’t even know if it has an actual name, and frankly I don’t care.) Facial hair in general is a nebulous region in the realm of manly style. There’s a wide range of possible options, but there is no other style that’s quite as douchey as the strip o’ beard. Other notable wearers of this horrific style besides Kevin Love include Paul Teutul Jr. of American Chopper and perhaps the best example of all that is douchey, the club rat. (I know what the latter is more commonly called; I’m just not sure if it’s a racial slur or not.)

But why does said hair style turn one into a douche? Well the answer is quite simple, it all boils down to really to the common thread among all my other “Douche Identifiers”, a misguided “LOOK AT ME!!!!!” attempt. However this time it’s generally rocked by someone who can’t grow a beard (Like myself) and decides to shave his pre-pubescent scruff into a chin strap. (Not like myself) Should you be wearing one of these things and can in fact grow a beard, I apologize, you’re a complete moron as well as a douche.

Body art has been around for thousands of years, and the medium is rich with numerous great pieces that are loaded with symbolic and cultural references. There are also plenty of tatoos out there in modern society that depict stories, military service, or perhaps even an outward display of the wearer’s feelings. None of these examples apply to the tribal armband; unless of course that feeling is I’M AWESOME.  Wearers of this piece are trying to say, “LOOK AT ME I’M TOTALLY MANLY AND I SHOULD BE LISTENED TO AND I SCORE WITH A LOT OF CHICKS AND I THINK BRET MICHAELS’ ROCK OF LOVE IS THE BEST TV SHOW EVER MADE BECAUSE OF HOW IT EXPLORES THE DEEP COMPLEX INNER EMOTIONS OF THE HUMAN CONDITION.”

I’m guessing sometime over the past twenty years, a pioneer of a douche made his way into a tribal culture of some sort (no doubt lost while on his way to find the nearest Armani Exchange), liked what he saw, decided to rip off their custom without knowing its full cultural context, and then tried to pick up chicks with his new manly tat at the nearest club. Then I’m betting other douches saw that tattoo, thought it was totally sweet, ripped it off, and tried to pick up chicks with their own chicks with their own sweet tat. Thus the cycle of douchedom began again. (At least I hope it’s a cycle.)

One of the many recent disturbing trends of this decade has been the emergence of the bluetooth headset. In a technology obsessed world, it seems like everyone is trying to get on board with the latest gadget trends. And while I’m as tech obsessed as the next guy, you will NEVER see me wearing these one-ear bluetooth headset monstrosities. For one they remind me way too much of profoundly nerdy days in my past. However more importantly they’ve turned into a near cultural status symbol. It’s a device that allows its users to finally tell the world what they’ve been dying to for years: “Hey look at me! I have money and am expecting many important phone calls from many important people! I mean just look at this expensive thing in my ear!” Statements which reek of the mentality synonymous with the douche.

I guess I should qualify my thoughts a bit. I’m all right with the usage of these things in a car, while taking phone calls around the office, etc. My complaint is against people who wear them around everywhere. Just take them out in situations that might warrant their use and then put them away! Are you that desperate for attention that you have to have your headset jammed in your skull while at dinner or wandering around the mall? Is it that hard to reach into your pocket and take out your phone?

However while my main complaint here is against Bluetooth headsets, there are still some throwback douches out there like the one featured below that have earned my ire. You know who I’m talking about, the geniuses out there who rock their wired “hands-free” headsets while holding the microphone close to their face. A questionable move that both requires a strikingly similar movement to holding a phone normally and negates the whole “hands-free” element. Nothing like a fundamental misunderstanding of the purpose of gadgetry.

I have no idea when or how these stupid shirts came to be so popular, but I’ve noticed a strong correlation between people who wear them and douches. (Well actually, it’s around 100%) I’ve told several friends over the years that if I’m ever caught wearing something like this or any other clothing item with some weird, elaborate faux-gothic design, then they should crush in my skull with the nearest blunt object they can find. My time will have come. When did junk like this become cool?

If you who don’t have the same stupid amounts of free time that I do, you might have missed the news that Jackass “talent” Steve-o was recently hospitalized, charged with felony cocaine possession, and put on suicide watch. I’m assuming he either posted bail or kicked a guard in the nuts, as he’s back out in the world now. So what’s the first thing he does after he’s released to the free world following a charge for felony cocaine possession? Well he makes a rambling cocaine-addled video of course, and it’s complete with cocaine smear under his nose! Sometimes I feel if one were to ask the world why they dislike America, all the world would just point to videos like this and say, “Pretty much that.”

As mentioned before, I’m a huge fan of irony. It rejuvenates and sustains me. Perhaps there has been no better example of irony than New York Governor Spitzer’s entanglement in the same prostitution and racketeering laws he so vigorously tried to enforce. I’m sure most are already aware of the details, so I’m going to concentrate on today’s apology and resignation. There’s just something about criminal charge related press conferences that guarantees to produce something ridiculous. Who could forget when Michael Vick’s lawyer read “Michael’s words” and cited that Vick is sorry he’d be missing “spring training” with his teammates. Spring training? Oh yeah, I’m sure those were Michael’s words, but I digress. Spitzer’s press conference today also had a similar such gaff when he stated that, “With great power comes great responsibility.” Ummm…did he just quote Spider-man? Is he going to web-sling his way off the podium? Do people even read these things out loud before they release them to the press?

I’m in class with the sound on mute so I hope this is the right video, but enjoy: