While I certainly dislike many popular musicians today, there are some “artists” out there that have elevated themselves from “disliked” to “despised” in my eyes. One bright, shining example of a band that made this transition is Nickelback. I’m not entirely sure when they became popular, but it seems like every time I hear their lead singer’s voice, (I refuse to look up his name) I want to jab the nearest sharp object into my ears.
Their 2006 single “Rockstar” really encapsulates why I despise them so much. The lyrics describe how people’s dreams should be the desire for extravageance and excess, and it’s precisely this mentality that has helped America achieve such a poor standing in the world today. Say what you will about the global socio-economic realties of today, but if I’m living in a cave in a desert with only a short-wave radio and underwear full of sand, I’m going to be awfully pissed at a country that desires, flaunts, and celebrates extravagance. Whenever I wonder to myself, “Why do the terrorists hate us?”, I generally only have to wait a millisecond before remembering this horrendous song and the mentality its promoting. Don’t get me wrong, I certainly enjoy the luxuries we have in this country, I just loathe people who abuse the privileges we have. I’m a big fan of the line that says something to the effect of,”I want a credit card with no limit.” Ummm…didn’t most Americans try that already? How’s that working out now? I mean don’t you idiots get it? We have everything already, and it’s this relentless desire for more and more that has gotten the world so pissed at us and wrecked the global economy.
In a way, the song is actually kind of brilliant I guess. Nickelback managed to encapsulate why many foreign countries hate American culture in one song. (They’re Canadian too!) Perhaps they’re in the process of some sort of weird Albert Camus-esque experiment in which they generate millions of fans and then suddenly turn on them and lecture them on how the values expressed in their song were designed to expose the flaws in western culture. (I doubt it.)
The fact that this song is so popular really seems to be indicative of why America is held in such poor standing today. And as a bonus, check out the yahoos that appear in the video as well! For the most part, it’s the “Mount Rushmore of The Aspects of American Culture I Hate.” Perhaps I should start a new series of blog entries on this site: “How To Tell if Someone is an Idiot.” I think that liking this song would be way up there on that list.
During the deluge of NHL Playoff, NBA Playoff, and MLB regular season games I’ve been watching, I’ve noticed this Mike’s Hard Lemonade commercial come on more than its fair share of times. It basically says that putting soy into drinks is for wusses and Mike’s Hard Lemonade is for manly men. Really, Mike? Your overly sweet, wine-cooler-esque product is manly? Whenever I see someone order a Mike’s Hard Lemonade I ridicule them mercilessly for being a pussy. While I might agree that “In a world gone soft, someone’s got to be hard,” I can safely guarantee that that “someone” has never, ever bought Mike’s Hard Lemonade.
I noticed a couple of days ago that Bronco’s quarterback and Vanderbilt alum Jay Cutler was diagnosed with Type I diabetes. It’s also been reported that his condition affected his performance in 2007. However I don’t believe either of these revelations. This is clearly an attempt by Cutler’s camp to make the QB seem mortal. He’s actually such a good quarterback that the league couldn’t possibly comprehend his greatness should he willfully compete at full strength. He and his posse are well aware that should a quarterback show up and throw a touchdown pass on every snap, every other team in the league would likely disband. As a response to his greatness and his growing exhaustion with his daily struggle to appear like a normal person, they concocted this little “diabetic” story. Sure he had a lot of incomplete passes and interceptions last year, but you have to understand, Jay cutler doesn’t miss passes, he decides the receiver isn’t worthy and places the ball in a place where he knows he won’t catch it. This could even be a pass right in the numbers. He’s just keeping down so the league doesn’t fold. This whole “diabetic” thing is clearly just a cover to help him appear like a regular person. Now he doesn’t have to try so hard every day to appear fallible.
I stopped by a local sporting goods store today to pick up an air mattress, and while browsing the racks, I noticed a particularly disturbing selection. Coleman has apparently created an air mattress with “mp3 speakers” built in. That’s right, you can hook up your iPod to your air mattress. You see that shitty little cord coming out of the black rectangle on the edge of the mattress? That’s your iPod/mp3 player hookup, and it connects to an unlistenable speaker as well! This is a crossover so hopelessly misguided that I had to stop and stare to make sure I was reading it correctly. You know the mp3 revolution is getting tired when it starts being featured in mattresses.
