Throughout American culture, there has always been a particular way of dress that is associated with a given time period. If a group of 1000 people thought about what Americans looked like in the 1950s, 1960s, 1970s, 1980s, and 1990s, I’m willing to bet that the vast majority will come up with similar stereotypical methods of dress. Say what you will about regrettable trends in the past, but as we head into 2008, what’s going to be the clothing trend that’s going to be identified with this decade when VH1 straps on its nostalgia pants on January 1, 2010 (which is technically still this decade) and starts the “I Love the 00’s” series? I’ve got several suggestions:

Gigantic Sunglasses

Decades past had their Ray-Ban Wayfarers, (which are not surprisingly making a comeback) but we’ve got our own unique flavor of gigantic sunglasses that have been popularized for some reason by generational role models Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, and other stars. It would appear that those over-sized sunglasses that those apparent trend-setters used to wear to parties have somehow become accepted as a fashion statement as opposed to novelty party wear. I have a sneaking suspicion our nation’s desire to give the appearance that our eyes are the size of grapefruit is going to go be one of those decade defining fashion cliches. Also, for the record, am I the only one who thinks that wearers of said sunglasses look at lot like these folks?

Pre-Destroyed/Faded Clothing

A quick glance through any department store or Abercrombie & Fitch these days will reveal these lovely jeans whose popularity appear to be slowly on the decline. Nevertheless, these decade-defining articles of clothing truly expressed our nation’s obsession with shortcuts and willingness to pay hundreds of dollars for pre-destroyed clothing. A few years ago during one of my few visits into an Abercrombie & Fitch, which feel more like a cultural exploration than a clothing shopping experience, I was flipping through a rack of these destroyed beauties and noticed that every pair regardless of the size had been destroyed in exactly the same way. The paint splatters were all in the same place, the holes were all in the same place, etc. So being the enginerd that I am, my immediate conclusion was that someone out there has developed an automatic clothes-destroying machine that can uniformly ruin clothing. I paused, sobbed for humanity for a bit at this realization, and sulked out of the store as my ears rang from the throbbing electronic music.

Those Weird Possibly Faded Shirt With All The Stylized Faux-Gothic Stuff

I mentioned these shirts in my Douche Identifier series, but I feel they’ve earned a spot in this little post as well because of how particularly common they are these days. I blame an unhealthy obsession with Dane Cook and UFC for the emergence of this trend among the masses. What’s interesting about this trend however is how rarely you see it among celebrities. It’s the horrible trend of the PEOPLE. I have a standing rule among many friends that basically says that if I’m ever caught wearing something like this, you’re allowed to kick me square in the balls without notice, and I’m willing to let the intertubes in on the pact.

Ironic T-Shirts

Don’t think I’m going to let you hipsters off the hook. These shirts used to be all over the place, and in the past even I’ve been known to wear shirts like this from time to time. I’m betting it all started one day when someone was browsing through their closet and found some D.A.R.E shirt from their youth and decided to sport it again because they thought it was funny, and thus a trend was born. However they appear to be on the decline recently as being ironic is ironically becoming less and less ironic. (Which might very well be the most ironic thing ever in the history of irony.)

Impossibly Hip Glasses

I’m not going to limit my observations to just sunglasses; regular eye wear has become disturbingly trendy today. Even Tampa Bay Rays manager Joe Madden rocks these things. I may still be able to claim 20/20 vision, but as soon as I start driving into street signs I’m probably going to pick up a pair of these things, even though the new hot thing will likely be some sort of bionic eye.