While watching this evening’s Texas A&M vs. UCLA second round game, I was reminded by UCLA’s Kevin Love of another great douche identifier, that weird, pencil thin beard getup that’s been becoming popular over the past 7, 8 years or so. (I don’t even know if it has an actual name, and frankly I don’t care.) Facial hair in general is a nebulous region in the realm of manly style. There’s a wide range of possible options, but there is no other style that’s quite as douchey as the strip o’ beard. Other notable wearers of this horrific style besides Kevin Love include Paul Teutul Jr. of American Chopper and perhaps the best example of all that is douchey, the club rat. (I know what the latter is more commonly called; I’m just not sure if it’s a racial slur or not.)

But why does said hair style turn one into a douche? Well the answer is quite simple, it all boils down to really to the common thread among all my other “Douche Identifiers”, a misguided “LOOK AT ME!!!!!” attempt. However this time it’s generally rocked by someone who can’t grow a beard (Like myself) and decides to shave his pre-pubescent scruff into a chin strap. (Not like myself) Should you be wearing one of these things and can in fact grow a beard, I apologize, you’re a complete moron as well as a douche.