With Vanderbilt’s recent announcement that Lil’ John will be the Saturday headliner at the annual binge drinking /music festival Rites of Spring, I recalled my “list”. The “list” consists of people I want to travel back in time and kill. Perhaps no one has stayed at the top of the list longer than Lil’ John. The crimes he’s committed against music and popular culture are unforgivable. With the production skill of a five year old kid with a Casio keyboard, Lil’ John managed to release a string of singles each more mundane and retarded than the previous, and people love it?

I may be pretentious and way too cynical in saying this, but I’ve always believed that most people out there are pretty stupid, and I’m no exception.  I recently sat my own damn self at a “Wait to be Seated” restaurant at an airport and wondered for a good 15 minutes why no one would give me any service! However my assumption is perhaps in no way better exemplified than through Lil’ John’s popularity. What the hell people? Am I missing something? This man has hijacked hip-hop, is doing his damndest to run the ship into the nearest iceberg, and all the teeny-boppers, fratty assholes, and club rats in the world are clawing at the hull to get on board!

So for the good of all mankind and popular culture, Lil’ John is on my list to travel back in time and kill. I would also accept just kicking his father in the nuts a few times.